HmmHmmHmmHmmmmm...

Had super mixed feelings about being blessed with SOT'11 fees.
Of course I am very very very happy, very very very grateful to God for this very very very huge blessing from very very very generous "anonymous".

I shared the testimony with cg and even with my Principal who later shared with the staff to encourage them but… but… don’t know why I find it hard to be real happy. I know that’s very bad!

More than happy … my “don’t feel good” feeling is stronger.
Cause afterall is not, really not a small amount.
Like what I blogged before, I may joked and asked people for sponsorship but that totally jokingly. I will never dare/want to take other people’s $$ for my own benefit.

Shared with few people about this, received many different comments to encourage me to just accept. But… But… I can’t! Just find it hard to get this.

A free meal, a free movie ticket etc I may be able to accept.
But not a huge amount like $1800!
Even just one month installment of $300 I already don’t feel good, what more to mention a sum of $1800!!!

From the day I received Pst KH’s sms till today, trust me - never one day I didn’t think about the amount and feel very bad about it. Sad to say - yet to freely enjoy the blessing. Hmm and can I say I don’t think I can and will be (or even never will be) able to?

Beside asking Pst Lily who refused to tell me & Friend T who also denied though at first admitted, I also went to the extend of emailing one of the SOT administrators. Hmmm…

=(

ATTENTION! ATTENTION!
Dear readers, if you already know or happen to know in near future who the “anonymous“… can you pls, pls help me convey a message that “Yanni is thankful, very thankful for the blessing but she is really feeling terrible, very terrible to accept it!”

Dear readers, can you pls also let the “anonymous” know that if has yet to make the payment, pls DON’T as Yanni really wants to pay it on her own. If not pls allow Yanni to return the $1800 when she gets back to the work field. Yanni really appreciates the "anonymous".

Dear readers, last but not least - can you also let the “anonymous” know to pls reveal identity if not I probably will spend the next 6mths feeling guilty and bad.

Hmm... is it that serious?
Sad to say, yes - at least to me!
I really, really, really cant take the $$!